HR Plans A Christmas Party

> Subject: Christmas Party > This is a riot for anyone who works in an office and understands all > the issues that HR goes through > now with Diversity and an "Inclusive Environment". Enjoy! (Be sure to > read to the end.) > Subject: Christmas Party > > > FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director > > TO: All Employees > > DATE: 4th November > > RE: Christmas Party > > I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take > place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the > Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! > We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...please feel free > to sing along. > > And don't be surprised if the Managing Director shows up dressed as > Santa > Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00p.m. > > Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, > no > gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for > everyone's > pockets. > > This gathering is only for employees! The Managing Director will make > a > special announcement at the Party. > Merry > Christmas to you and your Family. > > Pauline > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director > > TO: All Employees > > DATE: 5th November > > RE: Holiday Party > > In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish > employees. > We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often > coincides > with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now > on > we're calling it our 'Holiday Party.' The same policy applies to any > other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas > tree or > Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your > enjoyment. > > Happy now? > > Happy Holidays to you and your family, > > Pauline. > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director > > TO: All Employees > > DATE: 6th November > > RE: Holiday Party > > Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous > requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy > to > accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, > "AA > Only," you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to > handle > this? Somebody? > > Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the > Union Officials feel that $10.00 is too much money and Management > believe > $10.00 is a little cheap. > > NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED. > > Pauline. > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director > > TO: All Employees > > DATE: 7th November > > RE: Holiday Party > > What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins > the > Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during > daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can ! appreciate > how a > luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim > employees' > beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal > until > the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take > home > in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work? > > Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit > farthest > from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest > to > the toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not > have > to sit with gay men, each will have their own table. > > Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's table, too. > > To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing > allowed. > > We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be > available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the > food. We suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food > first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the > restaurant > cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry! > > Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?! > > Pauline. > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director > TO: All F****** Employees > > DATE: 8 November > > RE: The ******** Holiday Party. > > Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep > this > party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit > quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death", as you so > quaintly put it. You'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic > tomatoes, but you know tomatoes have feeling, too. They scream when > you > slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right > NOW!! > > Hope you all have a rotten holiday * drink, drive, and die! > > The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director > DATE: 9t! h November > > RE: > Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party > > I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy > recovery, > and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. > > In the meantime, Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party > and > instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with > full > pay.